Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
