I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
