the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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