Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
