my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
