If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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