wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
