This is not my ceiling
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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