so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
