hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
