I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
