I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
