I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
