There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
