Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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