I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
