My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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