if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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