Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
