READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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