I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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