We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
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she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
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Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.