I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
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My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
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Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.