Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment