Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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