I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
