they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
