you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The power of my boobs compel you
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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