Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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