four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
