Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
