Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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