birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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