The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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