Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
