My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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