Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
