new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The air was thick with penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize