dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Randomize
