I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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