he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I met the friendliest cop last night
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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