Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Farmville is her only friend.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
