Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
