3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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