and you said cock pushups were impossible
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
