I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
