Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
