ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
cat food counts as protein by the way
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
