hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
