She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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