i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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