Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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