Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
