mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
