I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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