how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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