I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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