even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
