Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
