Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
