I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
