I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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