Umm I'm too high to move.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
