I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
