In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
too bad you live with your parents still
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
