Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
