Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
