I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
