$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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