Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
