so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
