I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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