How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
