I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
