you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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